


What Fades Away

by miraellie



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-24
Updated: 2013-06-24
Packaged: 2017-12-16 01:26:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/856209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miraellie/pseuds/miraellie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things would be alright, she hoped. If not, she'd simply have to stand by Loki's side as a harbor in the storm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Fades Away

**Author's Note:**

> Was more or less an exercise in writing Thor and Sigyn interacting together, since it doesn't happen often in my fics for one reason or another. I don't know why, because I do love their relationship and how much they love each other. But then, as all my fics tend to do, it turned into something else entirely.

_You can't choose what stays and what fades away_  
-Florence and the Machine, "No Light, No Light"     
  


* * *

  
    Sigyn grinned as she glanced from behind a pillar towards the chamber door, past the long golden banners hanging from the ceiling. Loki was just entering and she quickly hid again, listening as his footsteps grew closer. Just as she was about to reach out for him, his footsteps stopped entirely.  
     
    _Oh, damn,_ Sigyn thought right before she felt a kiss on the side of her neck. She jumped, laughing in surprise, and turned to see Loki leaning on the pillar, smirking at her.  
     
    “Some might say sneaking around isn’t very ladylike,” Loki said, grabbing her wrist and pulling her towards him.  
     
    “And I wouldn’t care a bit,” Sigyn said, smiling broadly as his arm went around her waist. She brought him into a kiss. He already tasted of honey from the meade he’d been drinking before the coronation. At the sound of footsteps again however, they quickly pulled away and put some respectable distance between themselves.  
     
    Sigyn laughed lightly as a servant passed them by, feigning a casual air so that the servant didn’t expect anything. Once he was gone, she turned her attention back to Loki.  
     
    “That dress suits you,” Loki said, his gaze trailing down. Sigyn felt herself blush and firmly reminded herself that she could not pin him up against the pillar and have her way with him. Not when the coronation was about to start, anyway.  
     
    “Thank you,” she said, smoothing out the skirt. “I always do look very good in purple.” She glanced around the pillar again, frowning. “Where’s Thor?”  
     
    “Taking his time, as usual.”  
     
    Sigyn gave Loki a look and shook her head. “I’m certain he’s just nervous. Even if he tries to bluff that he isn’t.”  
     
    “Don’t let him hear you say that,” Loki said, tucking a stray piece of dark brown hair behind her ear. “He’d carry that wound on his ego around for decades if you say that to his face.”  
     
    “Noted,” Sigyn laughed, leaning into his touch. Loki smiled and leaned in for another kiss, then paused when the doors slammed open and Thor’s voice could be heard bellowing for another drink.  
     
    “Ah,” Loki said, pulling away. “I’m sorry, darling. Duty calls, it seems.”  
     
    “Mm,” Sigyn said, letting him back off. “One day I’m going to be very cross with Thor for always interrupting us.”  
     
    Loki grinned and stepped around her, brushing against her arm as he leaned in to whisper in her ear. “There will be a feast tonight, and everyone will be drunk. Including Thor. I’ll meet you in my bedchamber and we can see what that dress looks like lying on the floor.”  
     
    Sigyn didn’t immediately respond, shocked, before laughing in disbelief and whapping his arm. “You wrinkle my dress and I’ll be highly displeased. Go,” she said, waving him away. “Go to Thor before he does something else ridiculous.”  
     
    Loki looked entirely too smug at his suggestion and her reaction as he walked off, green cape flowing behind him. Sigyn readjusted her own long, light silver drape that brushed against the floor and wandered off in the opposite direction.  
     
    Thor found her later, sipping from a cup of meade. He laughed as he approached. “Keeping my brother company until I arrived, my Lady?”  
     
    “I’ve no idea what you’re talking about,” Sigyn said lightly, her expression a study in wide eyed innocence. Then she smiled at him. “Are you excited?”  
     
    “Of course.”  
     
    “Nervous?”  
     
    “Both you and Loki have asked me that,” Thor said. “I’ll give you the same answer I gave him: I have never been nervous, and you’ve never known me to be so.”  
     
    Sigyn took a long sip of her meade, thinking. “That time you approached Lady Gylla to ask for a dance...”  
     
    “That was not nerves,” Thor insisted, though she could tell from his expression that he wasn’t entirely telling the truth. “I was merely a little drunk by then--”  
     
    “Oh, of course. I suppose you did step on her toes often enough to give credence to that idea,” Sigyn said. They both laughed and then fell into a comfortable silence. Out of the corner of her eye, she noted him nervously fidgeting, his helmet still in his hands. “You’re going to be fine,” Sigyn said after a moment. “I know it.”  
     
    Thor looked at her and she met his gaze. “Do you truly believe that?”  
     
    “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it, my Prince,” Sigyn said. “Or, I suppose, my King.”  
     
    Thor shook his head and laughed again. “It will be strange, getting used to everyone calling me that. Especially you and Sif, the Warriors Three, even Loki.”  
     
    Sigyn made a small sound of agreement. “It’s going to be hard to call you that when all I can think of is how you practiced dancing with me as children, and how I watched you get thrown into the air by your two goats until you broke them, how I saw you stumbling through your first crush on a lady...”  
     
    “You are as cruel as Loki today,” Thor protested, though not with any actual hurt.  
     
    “I’m happy for you,” Sigyn said. “But someone must help you keep your feet on the ground and your head a little small.”  
     
    “You are impossible,” Thor said.  
     
    “And you wouldn’t have me any other way,” Sigyn grinned, unapologetic. Before Thor could say anything they heard the crowds gathered in the throne room cheering. “Oh, damn, your Father must already be there,” she said. “I should go, I shouldn’t be back here right now anyway.”  
     
    “And that has never stopped you,” Thor said. She laughed and turned to go before Thor said, “Sigyn?”  
     
    She turned to look back at him. “Yes?”  
     
    “Do you truly believe I’ll be a good King?”  
     
    “I do. Truly,” Sigyn said. _Eventually,_ she thought. _Not yet. Not until you’ve been knocked down a few times and have to learn how to stand back up with humility. But some day? Yes._ “Now, I really must go. I’ll see you at the feast.”  
     
    “Thank you, my Lady.”  
   

* * *

     
    Sigyn took a deep breath of the air, tasting the ocean’s salt. After the commotion of the failed coronation and everything that followed, it was comforting to be out on the balcony outside the feasting hall and throne room. It was a welcome breath of calm after the panic and horror from earlier.  
     
    She heard footsteps behind her and recognized them. “Loki,” she said, turning. “Is everything well? What happened?”  
     
    Loki sighed, coming up to her side, shoulder brushing against hers. “Three Jotuns made their way into the relics chamber. They tried to steal the Casket.”  
     
    “What?”  
     
    “The Destroyer killed them,” Loki said. “But Thor and Father got into an argument. He wants to go to Jotunheim to seek answers, and Father said no.”  
     
    Sigyn hesitated, thinking it over. Then she shook her head. “To go to Jotunheim is to court death,” she said. “And if he isn’t killed, then he’ll have broken the truce. He could start another war.”  
     
    “All of which he cares nothing about,” Loki said. “He’ll do what he wants and damn the consequences.”  
     
    “Well, I hope you talked him out of it,” Sigyn said, looking at him expectantly. When Loki didn’t immediately answer, Sigyn sighed. “Loki--”  
     
    “I agree with Thor,” he said. “If the Jotuns have found a way into Asgard, we need to know how and why.”  
     
    “But the Allfather has made his decision,” Sigyn said, even though she found she agreed with Loki and Thor. “Neither one of you can do anything.”  
     
    A loud yell echoed from the feasting room, as well as a crash, and Loki glanced to Sigyn. “If you want to tell him that, then please, do so.”  
     
    Sigyn sighed and kissed his cheek. “Go,” she said gently. “Speak with him. Make certain he does not go to Jotunheim.”  
     
    “I make no promises. You know what he’s like.”  
   

* * *

     
    Sigyn waited until Sif, the Warriors Three, and Loki had cleared the feasting hall before running after Thor. He was all the way down the corridor before she finally caught up to him.  
     
    “My Prince,” Sigyn said as she hurried up to Thor’s side. “Might I have a word with you?”  
     
    “Not now. I’ve somewhere I need to be,” Thor said, barely sparing her a glance. Sigyn’s frown deepened and she stepped in front of him, succeeding in making him stop. “Lady Sigyn--”  
     
    “I know what you intend to do,” Sigyn said quietly. “Please, do not.”  
     
    Thor stared at her for a long moment, then glanced around briefly to make certain no one was around to hear. Finally he nodded and she lead him to a private spot where they could speak.  
     
    “Did Loki tell you?” Thor demanded as soon as they were safe.  
     
    “No,” Sigyn said. “I was with him on the balcony when you came back into the throne room. I should have left, I know, but I thought when you were both done we could go back to our own conversation. I overheard everything that way.” Sigyn paused, raising an eyebrow. “You’re lucky no one else heard you.”  
     
    “You’ve come to stop me as well,” Thor guessed and did not wait for a reply before trying to move past her. “I must do this, Sigyn.”  
     
    Sigyn stood in front of him again, putting a hand up to stop him. “Listen to me. Please.”  
     
    For a brief moment she thought he would push past her and leave. They stared at each other for a beat before Thor stepped back and, though he looked excessively displeased, he nodded briefly to let her speak.  
     
    “Thor,” Sigyn began quietly. “You know that I love you, deeply. You are my Prince, my future King, and one of my dearest friends. That’s why I feel it necessary to tell you that you’re being unreasonable.”  
     
    Thor stared at her in obvious disbelief. “How am I being unreasonable for wanting to protect my home?”  
     
    “We all want to protect Asgard,” Sigyn retorted. “Starting another war with the Jotnar is not the way. What do you intend to accomplish by this act?”  
     
    “We’ll find out how they came into Asgard,” Thor said, the heat rising in his voice. “We make certain they never do it again. I want to know why they chose today, and what they thought they would gain by ruining my coronation.”  
     
    Sigyn listened patiently, then nodded. “And you intend to take on the entirety of Laufey’s citadel with only yourself and five other warriors?”  
     
    “We are more than capable of handling them ourselves.”  
     
    “You are not,” she said bluntly. “It took all of Odin’s Einherjar to beat the Jotnar back from Midgard, and then to Jotunheim.” She put a hand on his shoulder, keeping a steady gaze with his own. “This is not a good plan. You will become King of Asgard in time, but you will not do yourself any favours if you go through with this. The Allfather will only be more enraged with you, and--”  
     
    “My father will understand once I’ve returned,” Thor said, though Sigyn could see that maybe she was getting through to him. Then his anger flared back up. “You’re only saying this to protect Loki.”  
     
    “I’m saying it to protect _both_ of you,” Sigyn said, keeping her voice calm but firm. “I love both of you and I do not wish to see you hurt. You are not invincible, much as you may believe yourself to be.” Despite herself, her voice cracked as she said, “What if you’re killed? What then?”  
     
    A tense silence fell between them as they stared at each other until Thor finally broke it. His voice lacked the anger it had before, and it had lost the urgency as well. “I have my duty, Sigyn. If I cannot protect the people of Asgard from the Jotnar now, how will they trust me to do so in the future?”  
     
    She was slightly taken aback by the confession. He rarely ever divulged such things to her. The majority of his anger came from his ruined coronation and the fight with his father. But Sigyn could tell that he was speaking honestly about this as well.  
     
    When it came down to it, Thor doubted himself just as much as Loki did. Just in different ways.  
     
    Sigyn pushed aside the spark of hatred for the source of that doubt. There would be time to think on the Allfather later.  
     
    “They do trust you,” Sigyn said gently, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I trust you. You do not need to prove yourself to anyone.” She paused briefly before venturing, “Especially not to your father.”  
     
    Thor looked ready to say something, then stopped. Sigyn’s hoped soared momentarily as she thought he was thinking over what she said, then fell hard when he shook his head.  
     
    “I have to do this,” he said. “We cannot let this go unpunished.”  
     
    “Thor--”  
     
    “No,” Thor said, and this time he stepped around her. “You’ll forgive me, Lady Sigyn.”  
     
    “I won’t if you do this,” Sigyn yelled after him, for all the good it did her. He paid it no mind, because he knew her well enough to know she would forgive him after this.  
     
    When Thor turned the corner, Sigyn clenched her fists and took a deep breath. _Why must they both be so damned stubborn?_  
     
    In the silence that followed, she knew she only had one last choice before her. Thor would hate her for it, but at least he’d be alive to do so. With that in mind, Sigyn turned and went the opposite way of Thor, knowing where she could find the Allfather.  
   

* * *

     
    Sigyn found Loki later in the healing rooms, with Sif and the Warriors Three. Eir had seen to Fandral’s wound herself, while she set Sigyn to mixing something to help for the frostbite on Volstagg’s arm. It took everything in her not to rush through it and see immediately to Loki, though once she was done with the ointment she ran to the rooms as fast as she could.  
     
    When she saw that Loki was at least standing, she breathed a sigh of relief. However, when she saw that Thor was not with them, her heart sank. Maybe the Allfather had taken him back to give him a scolding in private?  
     
    _Oh, Valhalla above,_ Sigyn thought. _Please let it be that. Please let him just not be here._ But then if that were the case, then that was where Loki would be as well. He wouldn’t have left Thor to be reprimanded by their father alone.  
     
    “Sigyn,” Eir said, causing her to startle, “the ointment?”  
     
    “Y-yes,” Sigyn said. “Of course, my apologies.”  
     
    She did her duty and tended to Volstagg’s arm. She noted that everyone was strangely silent and somber. Sigyn glanced at Loki as she worked, noting his distant expression. The atmosphere of the room just made her dread worse. Once she finished with Volstagg’s arm, she began making her way over to Loki when Eir grabbed her arm and shook her head.  
     
    “We should go,” Eir said, and Sigyn reluctantly nodded. Loki would be out soon, she hoped, and then could explain things. She waited outside, resisting the urge to pace.  
     
    When the healing room doors opened and Loki came out, Sigyn ran to catch up with him. “Loki!”  
     
    He stopped, pausing before slowly turning around. “Sigyn.”  
     
    She stopped in front of him and barely kept herself from hugging him. “Are you well?” she asked quietly, looking him over though she knew he wasn’t hurt.  
     
    Loki blinked, his gaze refocusing on her. He’d been lost in thought, she realized, and she still wasn’t entirely certain he was really seeing her even though he was looking at her.  
     
    Finally he said, “I’m fine, yes.”  
     
    Sigyn paused, tilting her head as she considered him. “Are you certain?”  
     
    “Absolutely,” Loki said, forcing a smile. Sigyn frowned as she eyed him. His smile fell, and he glanced away. “Thor’s been banished.”  
     
    She’d been expecting it, but it was still a shock to hear. She took a deep breath, shaking her head. “I see,” she said. “I--I am so sorry, Loki.”  
     
    “It’s...” Loki trailed off, seemingly at a loss for words for once. A heavy silence fell between them, full of regret and sadness. Others may have questioned Loki’s love for his brother, but Sigyn knew better. Loki loved Thor deeply and, more than that, admired him.  
     
    And envied him, she knew. But that was to be expected at times with siblings.  
     
    It was not only Loki’s regret that made the silence morose, but her own. _If only I had tried harder to convince him not to go,_ Sigyn thought. _If I had gotten to the Allfather faster, if only..._  
     
    She stopped herself a moment later. It would do no good to think like that. What was done was done, and now there was nothing to do but deal with the consequences.  
     
    Sigyn cast a look about them to make certain they were alone, then stepped forward to close the space between them. When she leaned up for a kiss, however, Loki jerked away and took a step back. Her hands caught air where she nhad intended to put them on his shoulders, and Sigyn blinked at him.  
     
    “Loki?”  
     
    He clasped his hands behind his back, a habit she recognized as him trying to hide his nervousness. “I have somewhere else I need to be. And I’m certain Lady Eir wants you with her in the healing rooms, as well.”  
     
    Stung by the refusal, Sigyn’s frown deepened. “Dearest...”  
     
    “We’ll speak later,” Loki said, turning and leaving. Sigyn watched him until he turned a corner, surprised and hurt. It would have done no good to go after him; he would have only resented her for trying to pressure him into an answer right now.  
     
    But really, Loki didn’t need to tell her anything. Sigyn already knew what was bothering him. She hadn’t put the pieces together at first, until she’d thought about it on the balcony after the failed coronation.  
     
    The Jotnar never would have known that today was Thor’s coronation. No one ever traveled to Jotunnheim, much less would have spread news about it. How would they have known to attack today, while the attention was completely diverted from the relics chamber? How would they have known to travel between the worlds, like she and Loki so often did?  
     
    _Oh Loki,_ Sigyn thought, for being so intelligent, _you are so often a fool as well._ She only hoped no one else would figure it out as she had, though she knew they already suspected him. She knew without a doubt that Loki never intended it to go this far, and now that it had, he was shaken beyond comfort.  
     
    He’d gotten his brother banished, possibly for centuries. It was not what he had wanted, at all.  
     
    With a heaviness in her heart, Sigyn returned to the healing rooms. She would talk to him later in his chambers, when he’d had time to sort himself out. She could offer what comfort she could. Hopefully he would be receptive to it and things would be alright.  
     
    Things would be alright, she hoped. If not, she’d simply have to stay by him as a harbor in the storm.  
   

* * *

     
    Sigyn went into Loki’s chambers later on that night, once she was certain there would be no guards to see her. While she supposed at this point that their relationship was more of an open secret than an actual secret, she still had to be careful what they were seen doing. Any little misstep would ruin her reputation, and Loki had been just as eager to avoid that as she was.  
     
    She glanced around his empty sitting chamber before going to look into his bedchamber. He wasn’t there either. Surprised at his absence, given the late hour, Sigyn made herself comfortable on one of the chairs in his sitting chamber.  
     
    _Where could he be at this hour?_ she wondered. Given the events of the day, she was certain he wasn’t at the library. It would hold little appeal for him now.  
     
    She laid her head down on her arm, closing her eyes briefly. When she jumped at the sound of Loki’s door closing, she realized she must have drifted off.  
     
    Sigyn turned and smiled somewhat sleepily when she saw Loki.  
     
    “Loki,” she said, standing up and shaking the fatigue from her mind. Loki looked up in surprise, green eyes wide in the moonlight, then recovered.  
     
    “Sigyn. I didn’t expect to see you here tonight.”  
     
    She rose an eyebrow at him, frowning. “You said we could speak later, outside of the Healing Rooms. Remember?”  
     
    “So I did,” Loki said, faltering slightly. He glanced away and Sigyn noted the tension in his shoulders. She stepped closer, concerned.  
     
    “Where were you?”  
     
    Loki’s hands twitched and he clasped them behind his back. “I was with Mother. In the Odinsleep chamber. We spoke of Thor.”  
     
    “I see,” Sigyn said. There was something he wasn’t saying, something he was hiding behind all his short answers. She waited to see if he would tell her himself.  
     
    Loki didn’t continue, his gaze distant again as he looked off at some point over her shoulder. Finally he focused back on her. “You should go home and sleep, Sigyn.”  
     
    “What’s wrong?” Sigyn sighed. “Besides Thor being banished, I mean. Something else has happened.”  
     
    Loki backed away from her, his frown deepening. He wandered into his bedchamber and began the slow process of getting out of his clothes. Sigyn followed and sat on the edge of his bed, not intending to leave until she got some sort of answer. Loki glanced at her briefly before turning his back on her.  
     
    “Mother has crowned me King of Asgard until Father awakens.”  
     
    Sigyn blinked, then let out a breath. “Oh,” she said. “That’s--Loki, how are you feeling?”  
     
    There was a short silence before Loki said, “I don’t know.” When he was down to just his breeches, Loki finally came over to the bed and sat next to Sigyn. He sat far enough away that no part of him touched her, and Sigyn noticed.  
     
    Confused by this sudden aloofness, Sigyn leaned in towards him and reached for his hand. Loki pulled away and didn’t meet her gaze. “I don’t want you here tonight, Sigyn.”  
     
    She paused, then leaned back as if she’d been struck. “Loki--”  
     
    “Forgive me,” Loki said roughly, running a hand through his hair. “I simply need some time to myself. If I can, I’ll come and find you in the morning.”  
     
    Stung, Sigyn slowly stood up and nodded. “I--I understand. I’m sorry for intruding.”  
     
    Despite her feelings that she shouldn’t leave him alone like this, that he shouldn’t be left alone in whatever his mental state was in, Sigyn left him there. He would have only kept fighting against her if she’d stayed. He had too much to deal with right now; sometimes he truly did just need some solitude in order to think things through.  
     
    _But why won’t he touch me?_ Sigyn wondered. _Why won’t he let me touch him?_  
     
    She had trouble falling asleep that night, and when she did sleep, her dreams were so troubling that she woke feeling as if she had not rested at all.  
     
    Loki did not come for her, and she did not go to Loki.  
   

* * *

     
    She didn’t want to go in.  
     
    Loki’s chamber door stood before her, closed, and Sigyn thought she’d be content to leave it that way. Just let the things inside stay wherever he had left them, let them all gather dust and slowly be forgotten. It would be a horrifying kind of finality to the past few days to open the chamber door, step inside and begin to sort through Loki’s belongings.  
     
    _I can’t do this,_ Sigyn thought suddenly. _I can’t._  
     
    She was about to take a step back when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder. She looked at Thor, and neither one of them could break the silence. He gave her shoulder a firm squeeze and then dropped it, looking just as reluctant as her to go into Loki’s chambers.  
     
    He’d been the one to get her earlier in the morning, coming into the healing rooms and asking after her. Loki would have wanted her to have some of his things, Thor had said, and Sigyn had agreed to go with him. She had thought that being with Thor would make it easier.  
     
    She was beginning to think she’d been wrong.  
     
    Still, she was here now, and could not find it in her to turn back.  
     
    “Well,” Sigyn said, her voice barely a whisper, “I suppose--I suppose we should...”  
     
    When she didn’t finish, Thor reached around her and opened the door, gently pushing it open. Sigyn swallowed thickly, trying to keep from crying. Together they walked in, their eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness. She opened the windows to let the sunshine in and the light did nothing to warm her.  
     
    She took in his chamber, the one he’d never set foot in again, and felt oddly numb.  
     
    They stood like that for a while, just staring at the stacks of books that littered every flat surface, the scattered papers and other items. Then she and Thor exchanged a look and drifted off to separate areas. She gravitated towards the books, first, though she didn’t really see their titles. She pulled one off the top and opened it, then stared at the first page for a long while before shutting it.  
     
    How many days had they spent together in his chambers, going through books and spells? They had spent so much time together that people believed them to be lovers centuries before they truly were. They had been inseparable. _Wherever one goes, the other follows,_ people used to say about them.  
     
    She had loved him, loved spending time with him and practicing their spellwork together, and now that he was gone... the Nine seemed off kilter, somehow. A vital piece was missing, and nothing worked as it used to without him.  
     
    Sigyn realized she was crying and hurriedly wiped her cheeks, setting the book down.  
     
    “Maybe I should have waited,” she said to Thor, keeping her back to him. The only person she had ever allowed to see her cry was Loki, and even then she wasn’t entirely comfortable with it. Letting Thor see it was completely out of the question, so she tried her best to recompose herself. “It’s still too--soon.”  
     
    “Mother wants it done,” Thor said, sounding just as rough as she did. “We need to see to this before they take his belongings to be put on the ship.”  
     
    Sigyn had nothing to say to that, so she simply remained silent. She sat down in her usual chair, looking over at where Loki would sit beside her while they pored over old tomes and squinted at faint writing. There had been one time when they’d done just that, and then she’d decided to distract him by running her fingertips along his bare arm and wrist while he read.  
     
    He ended up not reading for very long, once she’d done that.  
     
    Sigyn clasped her hands together to keep them from trembling, but then that only upset her more as it was something she’d picked up from Loki in the first place. With a sigh, she leaned back in her chair and hugged herself, staring up at the ceiling.  
     
    “Sigyn, I... I’m not certain I should tell you this, but--I think perhaps Loki would have wanted you to know.”  
     
    Slowly, she turned her head to look at Thor. He wasn’t meeting her gaze, which made her nervous. She couldn’t handle much more heartbreak, but she supposed it was better to do it now than later. “What?”  
     
    “Once everything was settled--when I was King and we’d all gotten used to our new roles--Loki told me that he was intending to court you.”  
     
    Despite the warmth in the room, a chill settled over her. Feeling sick to her stomach, Sigyn hugged herself tighter. _Oh, gods._ She’d suspected as much for a while, but suspecting it and hearing it confirmed--especially now--were two different things. She wanted to stop Thor, to keep him from saying anything else, but she couldn’t find her voice.  
     
    “He had a betrothal gift already,” Thor said. He paused, then turned to look at her. “Do you wish to have it?”  
     
    _No,_ Sigyn thought. _No, oh gods, I never want to see it as long as I live. I can’t bear it._  
     
    She only nodded and stood to join him. Thor pulled out a wooden box that was resting underneath some books on a shelf, then set it on Loki’s old desk. Sigyn recognized it as where Loki kept some of the charms he’d made. Thor dug for a moment, then pulled out a long silver chain that held a simple, round purple pendant at the end.  
     
    Tears brimmed in her eyes again once she saw it. By most betrothal standards, it was too plain to really count as a gift. Her parents would have considered it an insult. But Sigyn had never truly been one for ornate things, and Loki had known that.  
     
    It was plain, but it was still the most beautiful thing she’d seen. Sigyn hated it briefly for what it could have meant for her and Loki, but that hate died quickly as Thor set it in her palm. She stared at it for a long moment, feeling a small hint of Loki’s magic left in it, before closing her eyes and kissing the pendant.  
     
    “I would have accepted,” she said quietly. “I would have...”  
     
    _I would have done so many things, if I’d known._  
     
    “He was worried you wouldn’t,” Thor said, trying to smile. “I told him over and over it would be fine, that anyone could see how much you loved him, even if you tried to hide it. But he was still nervous.”  
     
    Sigyn swallowed thickly and tried to blink back her tears. Without answering she slipped the necklace over her head. The pendant came to rest just above her heart and the remnants of Loki’s magic sparked slightly against her skin.  
     
    “Thank you, Thor,” Sigyn said at length, when she thought her voice wouldn’t crack as much. “Thank you for telling me.”  
     
    Thor said nothing, merely stared at her before pulling her into a hug. It was unexpected and it took her a second to think of how to react, but then she let him hug her as the tears silently slid down her cheeks.  
     
    Finally, when he let go, Sigyn took a step back. She wiped her cheeks again and glanced around Loki’s study. “I’ll take his books,” she said after a moment. “All of them. Just have the servants bring them to my father’s hall. And... his charms. Anything.”  
     
    Thor nodded. Anyone else would have reprimanded her for asking for all of it. Not him. “I will.”  
     
    Sigyn ran her fingers over Loki’s desk, then turned away. “I should go.”  
     
    “Then go,” Thor said, his tone understanding. “I will see you again soon, sister.”  
     
    Sigyn glanced at him in surprise, then managed a shaky, weak smile. “Goodbye, brother.”  
     
    She began to make her way out when she heard Thor say, “Sigyn, wait. There’s something else.”  
     
    Sigyn laughed, her voice cracking again, and she shook her head as she turned around. “What? What else could there possibly be?”  
     
    She stopped once she saw Thor’s expression. His jaw clenched and he looked away. “Loki found out something that had been kept secret from him,” Thor said. “He found out on Jotunheim.”  
     
    Sigyn stared at Thor blankly. “What do you mean?”  
     
    Thor seemed to struggle with his words for a moment. “Loki is--was--not of Asgard.”  
     
    The words didn’t make any sense to her at first. She tilted her head, looking at Thor in confusion. Finally he said, “He was Laufey’s son, Sigyn. Father found him at the end of the war, abandoned, and brought him here to Asgard.”  
     
    She didn’t react at first. Then, slowly, she backed up until she hit a bookcase. “Laufey’s son.”  
     
    Thor only nodded. Sigyn let the words sink in and then she gasped, a hand flying to her mouth in horror. She wanted to deny it, wanted to tell Thor he was playing a joke crueler than any Loki had ever committed. But she could tell from the look on his face that he wasn’t lying.  
     
    Loki was a Jotun. Suddenly, so many things clicked into place and made a startling sense. “He didn’t know,” Sigyn said quietly. Thor shook his head. “He found out in Jotunheim,” she said, her voice wavering as tears ran down her face again. “Oh, Valhalla above. That’s why he wouldn’t...”  
     
    _That’s why he wouldn’t touch me afterwards._ _That’s why he didn’t want me around. Oh, Loki, why did you not tell me? Did you truly think I would be so disgusted that I would turn away from you?_  
     
    There was no use in wondering about it. She knew Loki feared losing her, and no matter how much she assured him she loved him, he would have thought her knowing he was a Jotun would have been enough to make her turn away.  
     
    But he’d known her better than that. He’d known she wouldn’t have cared.  
     
    “Thor,” Sigyn said after a while, “what... what happened? Why?”  
     
    “I don’t know, sister,” Thor said quietly. His gaze was out the window, to the horizon. “Too much has happened, and I fear what this means for all of us.”  
     
    Sigyn swallowed hard and numbly made her way back over to him. After a brief hesitation, she took his hand in hers and leaned against him. Thor didn’t move her, merely kept his gaze out the window. Neither one of them said anything.  
     
    There was nothing to say, it seemed.  
   

* * *

     
    “Bring him home, Thor,” Sigyn said hoarsely, holding Thor’s hands in her own tightly. “Bring him back to me.”  
     
    “I will,” Thor said, pulling a hand out of hers and putting it on her cheek. “I swear to you, I will do all I can to see Loki home.”  
     
    Sigyn merely nodded, then stepped away to rejoin Frigga, Sif and the others. Thor caught everyone’s gazes and gave them simple nods before turning back to Odin.  
     
    “I’m ready.”  
     
    The dark energy burst purple and bright, causing Sigyn to cringe and cover her eyes. When she looked again, Thor was gone, as were all her hopes which rested on him.  
     
    _Please,_ Sigyn thought. _Let them both come home. Let them return safe and sound. Let them be with me again._


End file.
